All or Nothing (Perfectionism)
“If I can just make this perfect, then it will be worth something.”
“I need to be flawless so this person will love me.”
“I have to be in control of everything, all the time.”
“The more I achieve, the more value I have.”
Sound familiar? This avenue of thinking about ourselves is all too common and it stems from a maladaptive perfectionist viewpoint. While certain personality traits lean more towards this self-critical view, there is also a lot that influences perfectionistic thinking; from our upbringing to our environment to our social/cultural messaging. It can lead to issues such as anxiety, stress, procrastination, low self-esteem and problems in our relationships.
Remember a couple posts back when we were talking about pendulating and how that pendulum swings to the extreme ends of our thinking and emotions? Well, maladaptive perfectionism can be a lot like that pendulum. We can get pulled into thinking that any opportunity or challenge we face has to be met with an ALL or NOTHING approach.
Let’s look at it from the perspective of a poker game. The game is our lives, the other players are the different aspects of our lives, i.e. relationships, jobs, hobbies, health, finances, etc. The chips are our resources, i.e. time, money, energy, etc.
If we constantly choose to go all in, throwing all our resources in at one time, we burnout and are left empty and drained. If we choose to fold because we feel the cards we’ve been dealt aren’t good enough to play, then we miss out on experiencing life.
Playing life comes with risk and nothing about life is perfect. But the point is to play and play wisely. Sometimes you’ll win, sometimes you’ll lose and sometimes you’ll break even and that’s okay. The key is finding balance and not playing life by the all or nothing approach. Our triumphs, our failures and our mundane experiences shape and build who we are and if we never learn from our failures, we never grow.
If this resonates with you and you are interested in getting some help to overcome the patterns of maladaptive perfectionism, then consider reaching out to Canvas Counseling and Wellness. Talking to a therapist or counselor can provide valuable support and guidance in addressing perfectionism and its underlying causes. Some modalities that are helpful with this are EMDR, ART, IFS, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mindfulness meditation, self-compassion focused therapy, goal setting, time management, and more.
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We are located in Richardson, TX in a beautiful office building that features a modern, cool, and calming atmosphere. There is also a walking trail that connects to a park which is great for mindfulness, processing, grounding, and reflection.